You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
