so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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