Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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