Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
