Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
