Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
