Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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