ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize