Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
