when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
