He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
