Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
