I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
