This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I want her autograph on my taint
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
