Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
