Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
