Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize