If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
