I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
