Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
