Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
soo... how was my night?
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