I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
