I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
