Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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