She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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