My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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