when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need a beard to bite.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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