I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
