omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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