I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
