tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
