The maid of honor just puked.
I love black thongs
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
