How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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