so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize