Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
