there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
