Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
