if you like me you must not know who I am
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
