Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
