i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize