she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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