I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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