I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
