It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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