....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
