I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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