I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
