1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
