My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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