Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
