I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
