Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
