It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
