I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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