It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
