What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
