i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My breasts were aching with rage.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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