At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
