the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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