So drunk its hurt
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
