Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
