i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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