Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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