Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i love accidental penises.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
